Sunday, May 13, 2007

Dream Weaver

I am, and have always been an extremely active dreamer. While I may spend the same amount of time dreaming as everyone else (but I doubt it), it is how I remember my dreams and my physical response that is different. Some mornings I wake up exhausted from overly active dreams.

When I am pregnant (which I won't be again, so I guess worrying about this is over) and hormones are racing, forget it. My dreams are so freakin' bizarre it would scare you. Pregnant or not, my favorite dreams are right before I wake up. They are the longest ones and the ones I remember the most. They are also the ones that have the most relevance to my life, so I pay close attention to what they might be telling me.

Not unusual is it for me to be somewhere and have that deep feeling like I have been there before. More often than not, it turns out I have been there in my dreams. It all comes back to me at some random moment and I see it in my dreams. Now, I don't predict the future or proclaim to have visions that allow me to derail upcoming events. These are just environments, conversations and people who I am always sure I have seen, had or met before.

I have always sort of chalked it up to my level of creativity, thinking the overactive brain on dream overdrive is like the curse of a creative mind. I would love to do a sleep study some time, but there would have to be a good enough reason to get insurance to pay and we know how that goes. It seems as if Samuel has inherited this as well. He too can have rough nights of dreaming leaving him exhausted in the morning and has more often than I can count on both hands and feet sleep-talked or had nightmares.

I remember as a child at least two reoccurring dreams that I would have a few times a year--a sign of emotions swept under the rug. Hmm. But, even today, most of them are just bizarre and each morning I search for meaning and clues from my consciousness. The good news: a lack of dreams can be signs of something more serious (this is a lack of, not a lack of memory of). So, I am good there.

And, while men dream about women, women tend to dream about men and women. Had those, so I am good there. Sometimes, when something happens in a dream you can think it is real. Had those too. Like the time in my dream a crowd was chanting to me "Poke him in the eye, poke him in the eye, poke him in the eye." And, I did. I poked Jeff in the eye with my finger.

But what about ones like this morning's. I was in what appeared to be downtown Indianapolis on Capital Street (even though we are on the East Coast in my dream--New Jersey, maybe Philadelphia), with a friend I couldn't place, sort of loitering on the sidewalk, getting ready to get in the car after an Eagles football game. Okay, where should I start with what is wrong with this picture just in that sentence alone?

I spot a friend from college, Kim Jetter, across the street. She looks exactly the same, as in still wearing an outfit she had in 1993 and driving the same car (it was in good shape for a 14 year old two door Nissan). She is by herself. Long ago, I heard she married someone and had a few kids and still lived in New Jersey, but I never could see Kim as a mom. I was dying to know what she was doing--and she was alone! I pointed her out to the person I was with and even though they knew her, they did not want to say hello. But, I did; I had to.

I had on this weird headbandy-turtlenecky thing that I kept pulling down over my mouth and the bottom of my nose and then would push it back into my hair. I saw her get in to her car and she was waiting for traffic to clear to pull out. I ran across the street and knocked on her window. I could tell in a flash she recognized me, but then she changed her tune and pretended over and over again not to be able to remember me. We lived together for a least a year, I knew she had to know who she was.

She just kept telling me over and over "The Eagles just won the Super Bowl." I kept saying, yeah I know, but remember we went to school together, we lived in that apartment in Germantown Avenue together? She seemed to remember but refused to discuss it. I asked her what she was doing now and she changed the subject and I asked her about some of our other old friends and she said she didn't know what had become of any of them. I was standing there, baffled, pulling the turtlenecky headbandy thing down below my chin so she could see my face and maybe recognize me. She refused.

I said I had to go because my friend was waiting on me. She looked across the street and saw her, and obviously recognized her too and she asked why she didn't come over to say hello. I didn't answer, I turned and crossed the street. We got in our car (a black two door), my mystery friend was driving, and we sat there and watched her pull out of her spot into traffic.

Yes, it is true. I have serious anxieties and issues about my personal relationships (friendships) and this dream is here to prove it. Not being recognized, the headbandy turtlenecky thing, this one is loaded with symbolism and meaning. Wow. I have some issues! I rarely seek outside interpretations of my dreams, as I think I am the best interpreter, but in case you want to learn more about your dreams, check out this website:

Off to make a delicious french toast casserole and more for the annual Mother's Day brunch at our house today with my family. It is always a fun time. The weather is beautiful today and I cannot wait to be together with my family! Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms.

P.S. As I started making the breakfast goodies yesterday morning, I had a flash back to another dream from the night before. I always have anxiety about making things ahead. I want things to be "just out of the oven" fresh when guests arrive. But, I also didn't want to be standing over the stove frying bacon and sausage when everyone arrived. I had been planing out my cooking schedule in my head for a few days. while I had decided to cook those two things slightly in advance, I seriously toiled over the decision.

The eve of Mother's Day provided me with a dream that reassured my consciousness it was okay to do that. I dreamt I was walking past a restaurant on the sidewalk that had windows into the kitchen. It was very late at night, sort of middle of the night and while the rest of the world was dead, the kitchen was hoppin. They were cooking bacon and sausage. I said to myself in the dream, "See, even restaurants cook bacon and sausage ahead of time." And then, it all felt better! When I started cooking, I was reassured by my concious that cooking ahead was just fine and it all turned out beautifully.


Anne said...

I'm one of those people that never remembers their dreams. While pregnant, I had pretty horrific dreams. Enough to leave me with severe anxiety the next day! So, I'm kind of glad I don't remember them. I don't think I've ever had a good dream! What does that mean?

Anne said...

ps--happy mother's day!

Anonymous said...

you should read many minds, many masters if you haven't yet!!! xo mary