More Secrets

First, thanks to a comment from someone I realized I left the Hills off my list of favorite reality shows. Really, I meant to say The Hills and instead put The O.C.--which is where it all started for L.C. and her crew. I love that show and all the dirty scoop that comes with it. Okay, now on to more secrets.

2) I have a tattoo. It's tiny and done poorly, but I will never forget when I got it. I was 18 and home from college for Christmas break. My best friend and I were both feeling rebellious. My parents had just informed me they would be getting a divorce and I decided to return to Philadelphia early--but before I left, Liz and I drove to the nasty side of town and got tattoos at Don's. I seriously cannot believe I didn't contract HIV or hepatitis from the experience. Now, I need to get some work done on it and have an idea, but being older and wiser, I am waiting for just the right person to do it--no more filthy tattoo parlors for me.

3) I stole a pair of earrings from Target. Yes, I was young, couldn't even drive. And, the same old story--a friend made me do it. I even remember we paid for some stuff, so it wasn't like we didn't have the money (but I guess stealing isn't always about not having the money). She loved it and got such a thrill from it. I remember being so scared and feeling rotten. I never stole again (although, I am pretty sure she did).

4) I have bad, unfounded and completely crazy generalized feelings about certain ethnic groups. Am I a racist, well in the Jerry Springer sense, I would say no, but I am sure there is someone out there who would want to prove me wrong. These are things that like you always here your grandparents say like, "Never trust a German" or "Europeans are ungrateful and pompous." Or things like, Chinese people shuffle their feet in their shoes (see? big generalization. I am sure not all Chinese people do that, but I think they do). But, they are my beliefs and most of them are stuck in my head.

5) I sometimes like it when people are jealous. Okay, this is a big deep secret. But, think about it. You work hard, you do your best, you invest in your house, your job, your family--whatever it is. Sometimes, when people are jealous, it feels kind of good--like affirmation, like yes, I have done good--good enough to make someone else wish they could do it that good too. I know, it's wrong, but we are talking secrets here, people.

6) Last one...I once saw something so awful, I have never told another person. I think about it often and keep thinking maybe one day I can say it out loud, but I have never been able to and deep down inside, it makes me feel horrible. Someone suffered because of it and I did nothing. When I think about it, I feel so sad and like I missed an opportunity to stand up and help someone, like I contributed to that person's misery. I wasn't brave enough, I was scared and I made the wrong choice. Maybe one day I will tell the secret and feel better. Maybe I will send it to PostSecret and feel a burden off of my shoulders, but I doubt it.