Thursday, November 09, 2006

Day 9: Me and My Irrational Fears

I admittedly have several totally irrational fears. In fact, for those of you who know me know that I have many oddities about my personality (but that is why you love me :)). Now, before we judge, let's just admit that we all have them...some more than others and some stranger than others, but we all have them. And, they certainly don't stop me from functioning, but they are thoughts that go through my head during certain routine tasks. Today I am going to share some of my most irrational fears (why am I doing this, I have no idea).

I remember about fifteen years ago, I remember watching Oprah one day when she had rape victims on. This young woman told her story and it forever stuck with me. She took a shower in the middle of the day at home and when she turned it off and opened the curtain, there was a man standing there. He grabbed her and violently raped her, then got up and left. To this day, I hate taking a shower at home, during the day or night, when no one else is home. I swear I always here things and peak out of the curtain to try and reassure myself no one is out there.

One night, we had dinner at someone's house with three other couples that we didn't know. Two of the three were memorably odd. One of those odd couples told the story of their young daughter tripping in the kitchen and falling backwards into the open dishwasher. The dishwasher was open, as they were loading it after a big steak dinner. In the silverware tray on the bottom shelf were several steak knives, which plunged into the back of their daughter's leg as she fell into the dishwasher. They said she stood up and several knives were sticking out of the back of her leg. Never forgot that story! I hate knives in the dishwasher (first of all, it is bad for the knives, but second of all--this!) and get nervous when my kids run through the kitchen as I am loading. I even make sure I put "sharper" dinner knives with the tip down.

Another in the bath tub. I don't have any "babies" any more and often walk out of the room briefly while the boys are in the bath (Sam and Andy usually take a bath together). Trust me, I can hear that they are okay; they are very active in the bathtub. Even though I can hear them in there and know they are fine, I always fear when I turn the corner into the bathroom I will find someone face down in the tub. I must know what I am doing is slightly risky and therefore expect the worse when I return. Of course, I never have thank God.

I have an irrational fear of anything related to vehicles backing up. Either me in a parking lot (it takes me a while to back out because I have to check so many times to make sure I won't hit something) or me or anyone else in the driveway where the kids are playing. I will be inside working on dinner, hear Jeff start a car and have to fight the urge to go out there and check to make sure no one is behind the car. This fear obviously stems from the number of running over stories I have heard over the years, including the one of an IPD officer (like my husband) who ran over his daughter. Typically, our policy is to take the smallest, hardest to keep an eye on child in the car with us as as back up. But, I still fear an accident. Maybe this one isn't so irrational.

Finally, my fears of vomit. This one is so bad, it is less like an irrational fear and more like a full-blown clinical phobia. In fact, it is a whole entry within itself. One day, I will take the time and the risk of disclosing my lunacy on this issue. On the irrational fear side, I would say it is safe to say some of my peripheral vomit phobia fears focus on issues like someone throwing up in the movie theater or at a restaurant, etc.

So, how about you? Got any irrational fears, anything that you know as a rational human being is most likely NOT what is going to happen, but that your subconscious still reminds you of? Public speaking? (I love that) Fear of heights? (I am sort of with you on that one, and it isn't too irrational, as hello....people die when they fall from high places) Fear of clowns or bananas?


Anonymous said...

Speaking of vomit, remind me to tell you about our experience a few weeks ago at Moe's restaurant! I'll keep you in suspense by not revealing too much here.

Anonymous said...

I have too many fears to even list here--they would need their own blog! I constantly fear that Josh will leave for work and never come home. I always visualize his plane going down or a car crash--car crashes are a big one for me. Particularly since I had Tucker, I FEAR people on the road. I feel like one day, one random day, I am going to get a call that someone I love has been in a car accident and I will never see them again....well you asked.

I also fear that Tucker will fall off of our back deck which is about 50 feet high facing the woods. I thought this fear started with my post partum "fears" but it has lived on and is pretty much a nonstop thought when we are on that deck. I always keep the door out there locked.

Bascially ALL of my fears are loss based. Losing someone I love and they are all tragic losses.

I highly recommend the book "Many Minds Many Masters", it is a little Gerry Topper (or whatever his name was) but def. gives you a lot to think and write about when it comes to our fears.

XO Mary

Amanda Sue said...

irrational fears? nope. all mine are rational. totally rational.

i am afraid of someone seeing my underwear when they come over to my house. like, on my dresser, or in the hamper or something.

i am afraid of running into clothing racks at department stores and losing an eye. no, i am not short, and the racks don't have to be particularly tall, but i do have that thought when walking through a crowded department store.

i am afraid of having a visible booger and no one would tell me.

i am afraid of the twilight zone song. STOPIT! i can't even write about that one.